In a letter that she wrote to
Fr Marian Pinho on 22nd November 1937, Alexandrina revealed that two
days before Jesus had spoken her in these terms:
- My daughter, my jewel,
golden jewel box, very rich jewel box of the Holy Trinity… very rich, because
you have in you these divine Personages… if you knew how you are loved by Them!
My daughter, I only speak to
you of greatness and the love that I have for you, because it is good for
souls. Because I desire that, just after
your death, your life be known, that it spreads to the farthest ends of the
world, where the voice of the Pope consecrating the world to My beloved
Mother will also have arrived.
Twenty years later (23rd
January 1957), but only two years after Alexandrina’s death, the same Fr Marian
Pinho commented on the realization of that prophecy to Fr Umberto (surely
quoting what he had learned by heart):
What Our Lord
promised her in 1937 is being fulfilled:
“Soon after your death I want
that you be known; I will ensure that it will be so”.
Thirty years later, in 1968,
Fr Umberto, made a comment along the same lines in an interview:
Many times the Lord
had said to Alexandrina:
“After your death, I will
ensure that your name and your life, full of love and heroism, will spread to
the far ends of the earth”.
And Alexandrina’s second
Indeed, only with the removal
from Portugal of the two directors could this be realized literally. Rev. Fr
Marian Pinho, without having to face the obstacles that he would find in his
homeland, succeeded in publishing two books concerning Alexandrina, one of
which was soon translated into French and German.
I, through the “Salesian
Bulletin”, written in Italian language, with a print run of more than 300,000
copies that are sent to every corner of the land, could spread the news of
Alexandrina’s death as soon as I received it and also some brief words
concerning her edifying life. In the following year, I published, in Italian, a
biography that was later translated into Portuguese. And the Salesian bulletins
of several nations had spread the fame of the Servant of God through the world.
A religious sister of the
Congregation of the Children of Mary Auxiliaries, who lived behind the Iron
Curtain - where the Catholic press is forbidden - had patiently translated and
typed the biography and made sure it circulated in some of the regions subjected
to the communist regime.
Months ago there arrived in my
hands, from Thailand, a version of the biography in the language of that
country, written by a Salesian (Fr Rebesco). And I know that in Japan an
identical work is being produced. How great the Lord is! There are no human
forces capable of impeding His divine designs.
Now, in our own day, when
almost 70 years have passed since this prophecy, Fr Pasquale Liberatore, who
was the Salesian postulator, could declare in an interview:
Whoever learns about
Alexandrina is fascinated by her. I receive letters from all over the world
with requests for images and relics.
and lighthouse of the world"
A few months before her death,
Alexandrina’s agony was aggravated to an extent that she was no longer able to
dictate the story of her mystical experiences. But it is in the last of her
diaries (2nd September 1955) that she recollects, as if it were a
key of gold, some gorgeous words of the One for whom she had lived:
My abysses are so black and deep
that only God could penetrate them.
And that was what Jesus
He went down into my depths,
with the tender rays of His
light He brought my poor being up to the surface and illuminated it:
- Come here, my daughter,
light and lighthouse of the world!
You, who are in darkness
without equal, are the light that shines, the lighthouse that illuminates
The darkness is for you, the
light is for souls.
Come here, light of which I am
the light, lighthouse of which I am the lighthouse!
Can I not make you shine with
Can I not make you to be a
lighthouse, just as I am The Lighthouse?
But the universal dimension
that Jesus attributes to Alexandrina’s life of suffering had been made known to
her long before and this knowledge was often, and in many ways, confirmed. Look
at an example:
My daughter, school of all
How much humanity must learn
in this school:
School of Christ’s life,
school of the science of the Highest one!
It is here that the
insignificant and the great, the ignorant and the scholars, all learn.
It is in this school that one
learns how to suffer and how to love. (15/4/49)
When, in December 1944, the
world was being destroyed in a war that seemed to have no end, it was handed
over, on the feast of the Immaculate Conception, to Alexandrina’s care.
Moreover, she was declared its queen, the “queen of the world”:
You are the second
ark of Noah.
In you I keep
in you, as in the ark, I guard
everything for life in the new world.
Your pain, your immolation and
humiliation of life, is more for souls that for bodies.
Courage, dear daughter! Do not
The rain that falls on the new
ark is not to destroy but to save: it is rain of humiliations, disdain and
The ark is not in danger: it
sails on the crests. Once the waters of the persecution abate, the world will
see the wealth that waters contained, that they were waters of salvation.
Dear daughter, my beloved, I
am not alone, my Blessed Mother is with Me; listen to what She says to you.
Jesus was to the left; my
Heavenly Mother who was at my right, took me onto her lap, enfolded me tightly
against her most sacred Heart, covered me with caresses and said me:
- My daughter, I come with my
divine Son to deliver humanity to you so that you can enclose it in your heart.
The keys remain in the custody
of your Jesus and your beloved Heavenly Mother.
I have given you to my most
holy mantle, and my queen’s crown: you have been crowned by Me.
You are the queen of sinners,
you are the queen of the world, chosen by Jesus and Mary. (8-12-1944)
Texts like this are not
exceptions; even the delivery of the world to Alexandrina’s care was to be
The Consecration to the
Immaculate Heart of Mary, which was asked of her, was not that of Portugal or
of Russia alone, it was that of the world.
I watched the Blessed Alexandrina da Costa program on EWTN this
afternoon and it was excellent! My congratulations to Kevin Rowles and all
those who put it together – it is very inspiring and is very well done.
Those who missed it here in
the USA might want to set their DVR/recorders for Sat. Dec. 8 at 5 AM Eastern
Time which will be the next showing on EWTN for those here in the USA.
"Apparently, the Bl. Alexandrina DVD is being broadcast on EWTN on Sunday
2 Dec, 3:00, 20:00; Thursday 6 Dec, 9:30; Saturday 8 Dec, 11:30 (1 hr). These are UK times – in USA / other countries
it will be different – please check on EWTN website.
Yesterday came to Balasar a pilgrimage of the Community of Two Hearts. There we could to know Fr. Bing Arellano and offer him a copy of the book Quei Due Cuori.
He is the Spiritual Director for the Alliance of the Two Hearts and also the Spiritual Director of the Alliance of
the Holy Family. He has authored more than 200 titles and countless magazine, CD and DVD articles on Marian spirituality. Father Bing appears on the EWTN
(Eternal Word Television Network) TV program “One in Their Hearts” and on
radio, Rome, Italy. See here a letter written and
signed by Father Bing which
explains in detail the history and theology of the Two Hearts.
Let the love of our hearts be spread all over the world
My daughter, like St. Margaret Mary, I would like to wake the world to
this so extinguished love in the men’s hearts.
Wake it more and more.
I would like to offer My love to men.
I would like to be loved by them.
They do not accept Me and they do not love Me.
Through you, I want this love to be spread all over the mankind, as
through you, the world was consecrated to My Blessed Mother.
May, beloved wife, the love of our hearts be spread all over the world.
The dome of the sky fell on me all cotton padded, and from it came the
angels with instruments. I heard their wonderful songs. I did not understand
them well, but I know that they were in honor of the Blessed Sacrament. I heard
the words ofCorpus
Domini Jesu Christi, and felt that Jesus gave Himself to me and held me
closer and closer to Him. The angels continued to sing; from among them came a
powerful path directly to me, from it fell flames of fire and lots and lots of
things, all were for me. Then Jesus began to say to me:
- This conduit, my daughter, is the Heart of your and
my Blessed Mother: from it you receive our love in the greatest abundance; from
it you receive our graces, virtues and gifts, divine riches and all that
belongs to heaven. From it you receive life to live, life to give to souls.
This is the dew, the blood that falls on mankind. It is a mixture that I make
of my wealth, of my graces, with your pain. You are the new redeemer. I pass
all for you through the channel of my Blessed Mother. It is through you, with
Her, that the world is saved.
Do not grieve, my daughter, for not receiving Me in
the Eucharist. The more you are humiliated and the more my divine cause is
fought, the greater are the wonders I work in you. My divine science always has
graces to give you and you, my beautiful dove, you always have sufferings to
offer. Since your pain and your martyrdom are unique, so is my love unique, and
my wonders in you. Lights are confusing to those who cannot see them clearly.
Yours is a wonderful and prodigious life, O dear daughter! You are the dew
which fertilizes and gives life. You belong to Jesus, You belong to souls.
You're the little ball of Jesus, you are the ball of my entertainments, of my
charms, just as you are the little ball of appealing charm for sinners. You
belong to Jesus and you belong to them. You're a victim whose love enchants
heaven, you are victim who gives life moment by moment for humanity. Receive
all this divine life, give it to the hungry world, give it to the world in
danger. I deliver it to you, unto you I entrust it. I, Jesus, have all
confidence in you. I trust as much as you love me, as you love souls. You are
rich with me, with me you save them, with me and my Blessed Mother. Go, my
gardener, go to my plantation. Go to give, go to distribute.
Sentiments of the Soul, February
2, Friday, 1945 Corpus
Domini Jesu Christi
and not Corpus Domini nostri
Jesu Christi (as priests said) because was Jesus Himself who gave
his Body. Corpus Domini nostri Jesu Christi: Body of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Tomorrow, October 13th, as well as being the
anniversary of Our Lady's Apparition and the Solar Miracle at Fatima, is also
the feast day of mystic and victim soul Blessed Alexandrina Maria da Costa.
pray for her Canonization.
Blessed Alexandrina Maria da
Costa official novena prayer
Jesus, who art pleased with simple and humble persons, who are so often
ignored, forgotten and despised by men, raise to the glory of Thy altars Thy
humble Servant Alexandrina, who always desired to live hidden from the world
and aloof from its vanities and praises.
well knowest, Lord Jesus, how in our times there is need of lessons in
holiness, which is the true fulfillment of every human and Christian vocation
and, consequently, the elevation of a creature to the supreme height of moral
then, O Jesus, Thy Servant with the immortal halo of glory and hear our
prayers, which we through her intercession offer to Thee; especially grant us
the favour which we ask (...here mention
your petition) if it be for the honour of Thy Blessed Name, the glory of
the Immaculate Heart of Mary and the salvation of sinners, on whose behalf the
pious Alexandrina so wholly and generously offered herself a victim. Amen.
We have exhausted the direct
sources, the Letters to Fr Pinho and the Diary; let’s use the other sources: C
G (Cristo Gesù in Alexandrina), NoC (No Calvário de Balasar) .
About the sufferings, we have two letters of Dr. Azevedo to Fr Pinho.
One is of 10th January 1955:
Alexandrina is prostrated as
never before. She is reaching the top of her Calvary… It seems that everything
has evolved towards this climax. (NoC, p. 299 port.)
The other is of 17th
October 1955, four days after her death.
In the last months her pains
Lately she been suffering
immensely, and it seems to me that her illness, her pains, were of supernatural
origin, that origin referred by Henri Bon, when speaks of the supernatural diseases.
pp. 298-299, port.)
And a letter, to Fr Umberto,
from Doctor Irene de Azevedo, daughter of Dr. Azevedo (a dear friend who, in
place of Deolinda, had often written down what Alexandrina dictated for her
diaries); here are some lines:
We had the sensation that in
that room of pain something tremendously great and mysterious was happening:
that the last moments had arrived for a victim who had been asked for a great
Standing next to her, I tried
to give to her a little consolation by wetting her dry lips. I did not dare to
speak to her, for fear of increasing her suffering (...)
She insistently asked that God
take her quickly to Heaven: it was the only prayer worthy of her. (...) What an
expression she had! Holy resignation to the will of God, but suffering to the
point of terror, such suffering that a soul can only undergo with the grace and
a great help of the Lord.
Since then I have an idea of
what the Passion and Death of the Lord would have been. (...) Contemplating her
most painful face, I seemed to hear the phrase of Jesus: “Father, why have you
abandoned me?” Everything was
consummated. (C G, p. 694)
In September, the martyr
Alexandrina had the generosity of allowing Deolinda to participate in a
three-day spiritual retreat in Fatima. It was a heroic effort, because only
Deolinda knew the best way to attend to her during these latter times of
Alexandrina, who felt that she
was already near the end, wanted to give Deolinda, with the retreat’s infusion
of spirituality, the strength to support the great blow of her death. (C G p.
In the beginning of “her”
month, she hears the announcement of her departure.
Today, 2nd October,
the day of the Holy Angels, I felt that someone had touched in my shoulder and
I heard Angels singing. I asked:
Who will sing with the
Angels? Our Lord answered:
You, you, you, soon, soon,
p. 299, port.)
In 1965 Deolinda told to Fr Umberto as follows:
It happened, if I am not
mistaken, on 7th October 1955. I had work in the house, watching the
stonemasons. My sister called me saying:
- Deolinda, you have run away
from me! I answered her: - I went, but
I’m coming back straightaway!
I sat down next to her,
because it was already difficult to hear what she was saying, and she gave me
the money destined for the missions and the purse of the money for the
house. This was usual; I was always
impressed with the way Alexandrina always managed our meagre finances, as well
as money for charities. (C G, p. 691, note 17)
At 2am Alexandrina said to
Deolinda who was looking after her:
I am going to tell to you
something that I haven’t told you yet in order not to upset you. And this is
it: on 1st February, early in the morning, I heard a voice say:
Make an act of resignation at
the coming of your beloved Father (Fr.
I did not dictate this at the
time so that you wouldn’t know. (C G, p. 691)
Later she added:
As soon as it is day, I want
you to make three phone calls.
1. To the girl Irene Gomes,
asking her to come home with our mother and to bring all her clothes because
she will be staying as I am going to die (the
mother was at the seaside taking a cure).
2. To Fr Alberto Gomes (her confessor), as a debt of gratitude on
my part and, if he agrees, to repeat publicly the act of resignation at the
arrival of Fr Pinho.
Meanwhile you will tell uncle
Joaquin so that he goes to call Dr. Azevedo.
3. To Mrs. Ana Pimenta (a friend and benefactor, who had expressed
a wish to be present at Alexandrina’s death).
During the morning she said several times:
I desire Heaven. I do not have
the slightest regret at leaving this earth.
All the darkness of the soul
has finished (...)
It is sun. It is life. It is
everything. It is God!
Deolinda at one point asked her: Do you want
Heaven, because I can no
longer stay on earth.
I want to receive the
Sacrament of the Sick, while I am still lucid.
In an illumination on the future, she exclaims:
One day, it will be very beautiful here! O Jesus, your will be done, not
Around 3pm the same day, in
the presence of her confessor, Dr. Azevedo, relatives and some close friends,
she made an act of acceptance of death.
Let’s look at the report made by the priest who attended her at the
moment of death, Msgr. Mendes do Carmo.
When all was prepared in that Calvary-Room, she made her spontaneous Act
of Resignation in front of all.
– O Jesus Love, O divine
Spouse of my soul, I, who in life always sought to give You the greatest glory,
I want, at the hour of my death, to make You an act of resignation upon the
arrival of my dear Spiritual Father; and thus, my beloved Jesus, if with this
Act I give greater glory to the most Holy Trinity, I submit myself joyfully to
your eternal designs… only to beg from Your mercy Your Kingdom of love, the
conversion of the sinners, the salvation of the dying and the release of souls
from purgatory. My God, as I always
consecrated my life to You, I offer to You now its end, accepting with resignation
the death, along with its circumstances, that gives You greater glory.
Later, in a clear voice, she
asked for pardon, she thanked and forgave all…
Still later she received, in
an angelic way, the Sacrament that purifies all vestiges of imperfections and
The room was full of sobbing
and Alexandrina, dying, said:
- Do not cry, because I am
going to Heaven.
And she repeated:
Do not cry, because I am going
to Heaven! (C G, p. 824)
Here are some phrases that she said at intervals:
- O Jesus, I cannot stay
longer on Earth.
O Jesus, life costs; Heaven
I suffered everything in this
life for souls.
I squeezed myself in this bed
until I had given my blood for souls.
I forgive all… The torments
were for my good.
O Jesus, forgive the whole
I thank those who did good to
me; I will pray for them in Heaven.
I am so glad to be going to
Heaven! (Smiling and looking at a point
To the doctor who during the
afternoon, wished her well before leaving, she said:
What clarity, what light! It
is all light (smiling).
The spiritual sufferings can
be catalogued as two types: fights against Satan, though without more
aggressions towards her body after the end of 1937, and
temptations against the faith, also provoked by Satan.
SPIRITUAL FIGHTS AGAINST
The demon was
chained at my side. He wanted to get at me. I saw that he could not reach me,
but I felt as if he was tearing my body to pieces by biting. The insults were
plentiful. He said to me: Cursed one,
you will sin, I will drive you to desperation. S (20-12-46)
Satan concentrated on making
her suffer the fear of being deceived about her mystical life, and of
committing the sin of vanity by writing about it.
The demon tells me
that I invent my battles in order to have something to write about! My Jesus, I
want to love You, but I do not want to have to write about it! You know well
that it is him and not me. S (21-8-45)
- You manage with
your falseness to deceive almost all the people: you will condemn
And to tell the
truth, in those moments, I felt that I was false, deceptive, malicious. S
But the most insistent note is
that of lust.
For some days I
felt that my body was an open house for anyone who wanted to enter it.
I suffered much
with this new suffering! (...)
The demon, more
enraged, came as a thief and I felt as if he took my heart.
- It is mine - he
said to me – let’s go and sin! - And he covered me with insults. - With your
heart in my hands I can make you sin when I want. Then, much more alive, I felt
this to be this dwelling that I spoke about above. As many as wanted entered
into it. I was the house of sin, and the same sin: I accepted everything. My
God, what a horror, so many sins, so many crimes! I fought very much and the demon showed that
he was very pleased because he had made me do everything he wanted. But I said
often to Jesus that I was His victim and that I did not want to sin. S (23-7-45)
It was four combats
that I had with the demon; they had been combats of hell!
I had hands for
everything, except to bless myself with and to move the cursed one away from
me. My body was bathed in sweat, my heart a thundering machine. Yes, I managed to call for Jesus and our
blessed Heavenly Mother. But what I did not manage, or it seemed to me, was to
call them in time.
I liked to be blind
and deaf so that I could neither see nor hear the teachings of the cursed one
and so that I could not allow myself to be disturbed by what he said against
But, if things were
so that I could not fight nor suffer then neither could I be a victim of my
Lord. S (7-11-47)
The demon tormented
me with his strength and diabolical malice.
In the first three attacks he tormented me in the form of a man, but he
introduced in me all human malice. What a horror!
I sinned in all
points and senses. And he, much rested, left to the world his infernal look and
left it full of his malice.
If only I knew how
to tell of the poison that he instils in souls!
What a horror! Oh,
how he sins! S (11-10-46)
Sometimes Jesus gives her to
understand for what kinds of sin she is making reparation.
Our Lord made me to
understand, through the feelings and visions of the soul, for whom He asked me
to make reparation.
The first two
attacks had been for sins committed during worldly balls, sins practised
The three following
had been for priests. O my Jesus, how much we ought to pray for them! They are
of the same clay that we are, poor men! They are subjected to great falls. S
Jesus comforted her,
encouraged her to continue, affirming that with such reparation she was saving
This explains the
desperation of the demon, this is the reason why he tries to devour you: he
knows well how many souls you have delivered from his clutches. S
- The demon has
laid all his infernal anger on you. The damage that you have done him is great:
you do more harm to his satanic work, with your suffering, than all the good
done by humanity in general.
He is raging,
raging. He uses everything. He uses men to destroy my Cause. Never, never are
his infernal designs satisfied.
my daughter, suffer all your unutterable pain and torment.
Atone to Me, atone
to Me for all the desecrations and all the insincere confessions.
- Jesus, I love
You: I am your victim! S (19-3-54)
TEMPTATIONS AGAINST FAITH
It seemed me that a
cloud descended on me, black, black, frightful. It wrapped itself all around
me. Everything is night, from earth to Heaven. Beneath me are crosses and
thorns; around me, surrounding me, crosses and thorns; on me, crosses and
thorns. Everything is night, everything is crosses, everything is thorns, pain
and blood: death in the world and death in eternity. S (29-3-45)
I feel as if only
myself and pain live in the world. I feel that everybody flees from me; I feel
that Jesus flees from me. I have pain
for company, darkness for a dwelling. Everything that is born in them dies.
Horrible blindness, frightful darkness! S (3-5-46)
I believe, I
believe that you are my Jesus, I believe even in darkness and pain: do not
permit me to doubt! I do not want to displease You. S (22-7-49) How many pains,
how many sighs hidden and suffocating! I
am under the earth and it is this same earth that stifles my sighs and hides my
pains No cry of mine makes it to Heaven: no groan is heard there, not a single
tear is seen. What abandonment, my
Jesus, what abandonment! S (27-7-51)
It seems me that I
am tempted to despair of myself. I lie to all and I lie to myself. I have temptations against the faith: it
seems that I want to convince myself that after this exile everything finishes,
that nothing is improved by suffering.
I feel the fury of
the demon on me: he is raging against me. It seems that there is a strong iron
grating separating me from him. (Indeed,
after the end of 1937, Jesus does not allow him to touch her.) But my soul
sees and feels that his strong teeth bite into these iron bars as if he were
biting into me. He fixes me his desperate and ferocious eyes. I hear his howls
and desperations. S (14-9-51)
In this stormy
immensity where only emptiness prevails, my soul conserves itself in peace,
except sometimes, in some moments of agitation, doubts about all of my life, temptations against the faith
that almost cause me to fall into despair.
Why did I come to the world? What is served by suffering like this, in a
life nailed to a bed?
These are not
questions I want to ask. I feel they are temptations of the demon, that they
are him wanting to rob me of peace. S (20-6-52)
I am in a stormy
sea. I do not cease to fight with the waves. I feel tired, I feel that I am
fainting away, having to fight continually like this. I want to clutch at the
sand, or some thing that will provide security, but I do not find it:
everything fails me. I myself remain at the mercy of the waves. S (15-1-54)
She continued the fight
between the will to believe and the temptation to disbelieve. It was a
I believe, whether
in pain or in joy, in abandonment or in comfort. I believe, in life and in
death. I am yours, Jesus, I am your victim! S (16-7-54)
I feel that I am
not doing anything in the world, after losing Jesus and our heavenly
Since eternity does
not exist, or so (the demon) tries to
persuade me: what am I doing here, without enjoyment, always suffering? What
for, what for?
“I believe, Jesus,
I believe! I believe that You exist.
What matters to me
the feeling of the lie (saying “I
believe”), if You are the Truth, O Lord, if You are You, and You are
In this fight I
disdained all Gethsemane (when she
relived the Passion). Nothing exists. There is nothing, there has been
Thus I climbed
Calvary, without faith, without believing in eternity. And, such was the
temptation, wanting to commit suicide!
It seemed to me
that I should want to discontinue a life which had no life, in any way at all. (Jesus suffered similar demonic attacks, not
only at the beginning, in the desert, but also at the end, in Gethsemane).
With what cost I
called on Jesus and our Heavenly Mother and repeated to Them my “I
In the darkness of
agony and of death, I have wanted to repeat it, and I could not.
Jesus came. He
called out to me firmly and with sweetness:
- My daughter, O my
daughter, your reparation is for those without faith, for those without God,
for the unbelievers. S (15-10-54)
month later Jesus reaffirmed that He wanted this form of reparation, with its
tenacious profession of faith. But He also gave her His aid.
Repeat your “I
believe”. You must live the faith without faith, love without the feeling of
All I want of you
is your “I believe!”, your adherence to the cross, your heroic generosity,
Come and rest on my
divine Heart. It is divine rest, it is comforting rest, it is life’s rest. S
Even while reliving the
Passion the fight continued. Here is a description of it with wonderful
I believe, I
believe firmly, I have repeated as many times on the top of the mountain,
impaled on a spear, but in such a vertical line that I was not hanging more on
one side than on the other: to God or the demon; to eternity or the
covered in blood, I could do nothing but go on repeating my “I believe, I
I believe, even so
my feelings are all liars.
Jesus came; he said
- Believe, my
daughter, believe, my beloved spouse, believe, tender flower of Paradise!
Believe that I
exist, believe that you are in the Truth, believe that all your life is my
life. Courage, courage! S (17-12-54)
The last year of her exile
arrived, yet that tremendous fight was intensified still more.
- O Jesus, forgive
do not have faith nor do I believe in You. Dear me, who will save me?
- It’s Me; I save
you, my daughter! You have inflexible faith, firmer than a rock.
Make reparation for
those who do not have it, for those who live without God.
Trust, trust! Souls
are saved by the millions, by the millions. Yes, my daughter! S (25-3-55)
And thus I go on
walking on neither sea nor land, only with a false whisper, that always urges
me to cast myself into the abyss.
Save me, Jesus!
Save me, Celestial Mother! Comfort me in this world of uncertainties and
doubts. O pain, O pain, O agony and death! …
In this painful
and, so to speak, continuous fight, Jesus came and spoke to me:
- (...) Courage,
courage! You have faith, you have love and you give Me everything. (...)
Go, live in the
faith, repeat your “I believe”. Suffer and love, suffer and love! S (1-4-55)
My soul bleeds, my
whole being bleeds in the darkness.
O my God, speak to
me about the soul, speak about what I so often seem not to have! How many times
a voice cries out to me – to the soul and to the body too: “Grasp, grasp!” -
but I can find neither one thing nor another to grasp. I grasp, grasp at the darkness, at ignorance,
at uselessness, at death! It is what I
have, is what I find in myself.
To cry out, to cry
out healthy and strong to Heaven, to Heaven that isn’t there, to an eternity
that does not exist! O my God, it is useless to cry out to anything. I am in
I want, if Jesus
wants it, to be here for His glory and for the salvation of souls. S
Jesus warns her of
an ultimate increase of the martyrdom.
- My daughter, it
is not the feelings of faith and consolation that console me, but rather this
constant fight at the height of pain. It
is the last phase, the tremendous phase: the pinnacle of suffering will be
facing the pinnacle of sin. The world sins, the world sins! Have courage, you who are the light and the
lighthouse of the world. Make reparation so that my divine Heart be loved. Stay
my Father’s arm of justice, who insists that it fall on the earth. S
My daughter, climb,
climb, courage! (...) Your phase, the last phase of your life cannot be more
painful. But thus it is when I choose a soul for the highest degree of perfection,
love, and union with me.
Trust: you love Me
and make Me loved. Your Heaven is near! S (8-7-55)
With a heroic firmness she repeated her “I
Cost what it may,
what bleeds, bleeds! Even if lying to myself, I must always repeat: I believe
in God, I believe in all the eternal truths, I believe that I have a soul, a
child of the God’s blood! S (5-8-55)
always grasping, grasping without having anything to grasp, here I go from fall
to fall, from abyss to abyss towards the endless abysses of darkness, death,
And without faith,
my God, without faith! I always go on
repeating in my soul: Everything for your love, Jesus, and for souls! S
And, finally, in the last
diary, she dictated:
anguish I repeated my acts of faith:
I believe, Jesus, I
believe that your birth, your death, your Calvary were for me.
I believe, Jesus, I
My abysses are so
black and deep that only God could penetrate them.
Which is just what
He went down into
my depths, with the tender rays of His light he brought up to the surface my
poor being and illuminated it:
- Come here, my
daughter, light and lighthouse of the world!
You that you are
darkness without equal, you are the light that shines, the lighthouse that
The darkness is for
you, the light is for souls.
Come here, light of
whom I am light, lighthouse of whom I am lighthouse!
Can I not make you
shine with My brightness?
Can I not make you to
be a lighthouse, just as I am the lighthouse?
In the same diary we read a
last afflicted appeal of Jesus:
- My daughter, let
Jesus cry out through your lips:
“O Church, O
Church, accept the voice of the Lord! Vigilance, vigilance!
O Church, my beloved
Church, pay attention, pay attention, do not sleep, do not rest!
Never has the world
sinned in such a way.
Never was there
such urgent need of reparation.” (...)
Have you not said
to Me many times that you wanted to consume yourself and to disappear in my
love? Courage, courage! I have done everything to the letter, everything that
you have said to Me.
- O Jesus, look at
my soul! Only You know how to look at it.
Listen to my
And the world, the
world! Jesus, forgive it, because it is yours! S (2-9-55)
With such an anguished plea,
which explodes from a heart bleeding with pain and burning with love, the diary
of our holy martyr closes.