Thursday, 30 May 2013

How awful, how extreme is the agony of my soul!

How awful, how extreme is the agony of my soul!
I wanted to hide my pain and not talk about it anymore; I wanted to smother it altogether. It seems to me that the heart cries with bitterness. Sometimes the hurt it experiences make the tears dance in my eyes.
I wanted to cover all up, it was enough that Jesus knew, but I could not; obedience forbade me. And now, slowly, I discover that I am drawing up from within something of what I suffer, of what I feel. I do not know if I find myself in a serious state of suffering or indeed, even if it is a reality. I feel that I am in the sunset of life. It seems that death is approaching me. I bow, I yield willingly to receive the blow that it pleases Jesus to give me. In my heart I feel in the separation from my loved ones. I am going to my Homeland, but I want to leave something among them to cheer and comfort them in their sorrow. I don’t belong here, I am going to my place where we will all soon see ourselves in that endless glory.
My God, my Jesus, what shall this be?
I want to leave, I have to leave and yet this separation cost me so much. The pain it causes me seems to rip the heart and with it all the veins of my body.
May all be for the love of my Jesus and the salvation of souls.
I feel that the world is in so much disarray, so much misery and sin! I want to put an end to all this and I cannot; I want to remedy all this evil but do not know how to; I have no more to give for it.

Ah, if there was someone who wanted to suffer for it, that could save it, what would I give to him?! My love, everything I owned; Heaven with all the glory, if it belonged to me.
Sentiments of the Soul, February 20, 1945

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