Thursday, 22 September 2011

What awaits me now in the New Year?

I saw all the sufferings of the year, but they didn´t belong to me, neither did my prayers belong to me; if they belonged, they were stillborn, dead. I was finishing the year without anything to give Jesus. I began to see the depth of my misery, my nothingness!
I remembered my spiritual father, imprisoned, and suffering so much because of me! I thought of all the lights that had been taken from me, lights which I much needed to guide me and to take me closer to Jesus. I thought of my doctor and my loved ones who have given me so much care and affection and love. And here is me with nothing to give, and so miserable! I could not resist. I began to cry.
O my Jesus, oh, so much care and so many opportunities lost because of me! Oh, what I am and whom they think they do these things for? Recompense them, my God, fill them with Yourself, with your love.
It was a day full of bitterness. I received some gifts that gave me joy. When the soul was beginning to feel the joy, to taste it, Jesus came severed my senses from it. Let Thy will be done, O my love, for Your love.
At midnight I thanked Jesus for all the benefits received during the year and everything that had made me suffer. I asked them to pray a Te Deum with me in thanksgiving. When it finished, I added:
Thanks for everything, my Jesus, for all the pain and all the joy. Forgive my ingratitude toward You. What awaits me now in the New Year? Send me what you like, Jesus, because I accept everything, but don’t deprive me of the grace I need. And give me all Your love.
Sentiments of the Soul, 31.12.1944

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